I haven't written a post in a few days because honestly life has been great. The hubby and I had an unbelievable heart to heart that has turned things around. I feel like a weight off my shoulders and the lines of communication between he and I are open again. Not that we stopped communicating but maybe quit listening?! I think our happiness is helping diminish everything else that isn't so great.
My job still sucks, but I feel there is an end in sight. I am set on going back to school and narrowed the subject down to three possible career choices. I have until January to make that decision. I will apply to all three and whichever accepts me is the Winner, Winner, Winner. It works out perfect. Let's not confuse things with the what ifs - I don't have a plan B right now. If I am wanting to stay positive then this is my plan. Baby steps people
I do get a 24 hour pass with no family. Girl time with my sister this weekend. A much needed rest and break from life.
So let's hope it keeps raining lemons - this is feeling pretty good.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
The 5th Day
Monday is the first day of the week for me. So Friday, today, is my 5th day. I should be excited about Friday's b/c I don't have to work tomorrow....oh but I do. I have to get all the things done that I didn't get done during the week. It's hard getting everything done in 2 days with hubby and two little boys running around. I clean or straighten each room to leave the room and come back to it destroyed. It can be frustrating! By Sunday, my 7th day I am completely exhausted.
I am always exhausted. I have no energy - ever! I often wonder, how do other people do it, how do other people have so much energy? I should be working out, this I know, that would solve a lot of my problems. Working out makes you feel better, when you feel better you have more energy, you are more focused and can get stuff done, which makes the 5th day an awesome day. I have every intention of working out but I can make excuses for everything. I can't work out in the mornings because I LOVE my sleep and have no energy to get up early. I get up to have just enough time to feed the kids, get them dressed and out the door to the job I despise. I get off work in time to get a few things done without the kids before I have to get the kids from daycare. I get home and make dinner, clean up dinner, chat with the hubby (to keep our marriage sane), make time to play with the boys, bath and bed. By the time they are in bed I am exhausted and working out at 9:00 at night just doesn't seem the appropriate time b/c then I will have too much energy to go to sleep which I LOVE to do. So see I have no time to work out. Although I just spent 15 minutes writing this blog post and browsing the internet hmmmm could have gotten some kind of stimulation done in that time, oh well maybe next time. But, the good thing is I made it to the 5th day!
I am always exhausted. I have no energy - ever! I often wonder, how do other people do it, how do other people have so much energy? I should be working out, this I know, that would solve a lot of my problems. Working out makes you feel better, when you feel better you have more energy, you are more focused and can get stuff done, which makes the 5th day an awesome day. I have every intention of working out but I can make excuses for everything. I can't work out in the mornings because I LOVE my sleep and have no energy to get up early. I get up to have just enough time to feed the kids, get them dressed and out the door to the job I despise. I get off work in time to get a few things done without the kids before I have to get the kids from daycare. I get home and make dinner, clean up dinner, chat with the hubby (to keep our marriage sane), make time to play with the boys, bath and bed. By the time they are in bed I am exhausted and working out at 9:00 at night just doesn't seem the appropriate time b/c then I will have too much energy to go to sleep which I LOVE to do. So see I have no time to work out. Although I just spent 15 minutes writing this blog post and browsing the internet hmmmm could have gotten some kind of stimulation done in that time, oh well maybe next time. But, the good thing is I made it to the 5th day!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tick, Tick Tick....
I am forever watching the clock from the hours of 8:30 and 2:30. That is the time I sit trapped in a gray cubicle behind a desk listening to people on the other side of me, sniff, cough, clip their fingernails, talk on the phone, pound on the keyboard, play music to loud and not even good music at that, spray their perfume, etc. etc. The only real thing that keeps me entertained is TMZ, reading other blogs, and making list after list of things I could be doing other than sitting at work in this gray cubicle.
I wake up in the morning and realize that's just it I am awake - awake to another day of "making the donuts". That's how I feel....like the guy in the Dunkin Donuts commercial, gotta make the donuts. I should be excited that I am alive and be grateful that I am alive. But it is hard to be grateful when you have to get up and go to a job that is dreadful. I hate that I yell at my children in the morning to hurry up and get ready b/c mommy is going to be late to work - the job that I hate, so I am taking it out on you because I would hate to be late!!! Not fair to my children at all.
I realize some might say, well then stay home. It is not as simple as me saying "I think I will stay home". I actually want to work. I am not really the "Full Time Stay at Home Mom" type. I admire anyone who has the patience to do it, I believe it is hard-work and fulfilling all the same! It's a possibility in the future but for now can't happen.....
So I yell at my kids to get to the job that I hate and as soon as I walk through the doors I feel like I am wearing this turtleneck sweater that is way to tight around my neck. I start to become this hunchback sitting at my desk, surrounded by these gray walls and just try to get through the day. Looking like I am busy, while really I am just staring at the clock and searching randomness on the Internet.
One thing about me I love a challenge, I have to stay busy and right now this job has neither. We are slow because of the recession and my supervisor has pretty much written me off at doing any new projects because I have elected to reduce my work schedule from 40 to 30 hours. I chose this because I don't have enough to do! Why be here when I could be anywhere?
see i just got through another 15min by writing this blog post.....aah feels good. Freedom in 48 minutes
I wake up in the morning and realize that's just it I am awake - awake to another day of "making the donuts". That's how I feel....like the guy in the Dunkin Donuts commercial, gotta make the donuts. I should be excited that I am alive and be grateful that I am alive. But it is hard to be grateful when you have to get up and go to a job that is dreadful. I hate that I yell at my children in the morning to hurry up and get ready b/c mommy is going to be late to work - the job that I hate, so I am taking it out on you because I would hate to be late!!! Not fair to my children at all.
I realize some might say, well then stay home. It is not as simple as me saying "I think I will stay home". I actually want to work. I am not really the "Full Time Stay at Home Mom" type. I admire anyone who has the patience to do it, I believe it is hard-work and fulfilling all the same! It's a possibility in the future but for now can't happen.....
So I yell at my kids to get to the job that I hate and as soon as I walk through the doors I feel like I am wearing this turtleneck sweater that is way to tight around my neck. I start to become this hunchback sitting at my desk, surrounded by these gray walls and just try to get through the day. Looking like I am busy, while really I am just staring at the clock and searching randomness on the Internet.
One thing about me I love a challenge, I have to stay busy and right now this job has neither. We are slow because of the recession and my supervisor has pretty much written me off at doing any new projects because I have elected to reduce my work schedule from 40 to 30 hours. I chose this because I don't have enough to do! Why be here when I could be anywhere?
see i just got through another 15min by writing this blog post.....aah feels good. Freedom in 48 minutes
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Lemonade
Today was a lemonade day! Gorgeous day and a good mood to boot. The Mr and I had a refreshing heart to heart that needed to be had for many weeks. The family went on a great evening walk and met with neighbors, we had home-made pizza and watched Yo-Gabba-Gabba. My youngest has a new twin, big boy bed and I officially know he is growing up and we are almost out of the the "baby" phase. Sad but not depressing - I feel good.
All these things made it a great day. I made it through work (yes, that job I hate with a passion) and came home to a peaceful home. Why today? What is different about waking up today. I am a woman so I guess it's hormones effecting my moods daily. But for someone inherently pessimistic can you really make lemonade out of sour grapes?
All these things made it a great day. I made it through work (yes, that job I hate with a passion) and came home to a peaceful home. Why today? What is different about waking up today. I am a woman so I guess it's hormones effecting my moods daily. But for someone inherently pessimistic can you really make lemonade out of sour grapes?
Soul Searching
Is happiness inherited or something learned?
I don't know this answer but find myself soul searching daily for happiness. I know I have a wonderful husband, two healthy, beautiful children, a home to call my own, a job, financial stability...all the things that I think should make a person happy.
Why then am I on this quest? I believe I am a pessimist at heart and try to bring positivity into my life but the negativity seems to be to strong to live happy. I know I HATE my job which I believe brings unhappiness into my life - but if I found a new job would I truly be happy? If a decided to become a stay at home mom would that bring me anymore peace?
This blog is my journey at finding peace and happiness!
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